Monday, March 05, 2007

back like that...

Who the HELL gets away with blatant homophobia these days??

This bitch:


I had a weird experience yesterday.

I decided to go and check out my friend’s gym up in Holloway.

I battle the wind and rain up to Arsenalville and find a big cold room with bodies scattered about the floor tied into bizarre positions with white straps resembling props from ‘Girl Interrupted.’

I find myself a place on the chilly floor and take notice of the instructor. He is dressed from head to toe in grey track gear with a chavvy army cut and what seems to be a GIANT package behind the thin cotton/polyester mix (you know when men wear jogging pants just a bit too tight? yeah.)

He honestly looks like he could drive a moped and work in a kebab shop – that is – until you hear his voice because he’s speaking in a high pitched posh accent. Hilarious.

When the time comes for the final relaxation – we all lie down and dude starts talking us through the process. I was considering leaving until he goes:

“Now, I want you to find your centre. For men it’s the perineum (t'aint, gooch etc.) for women it’s the mouth of the cervix.”

What?

“I want, in your calm minds, to put something there, in your centre. I want you to imagine a big yellow square. Picture that square, radiating with yellowness, just glowing. Now – imagine that holding that square up is a majestic white elephant. Imagine the curves of the lovely elephant that has, at his feet, many flowers, pink flowers with three individual petals on each. I want you to take this image and relax with it.”

Umm – does anyone else find this image terrifyingly reminiscent of a life-altering acid trip you had when you were 14?

Scott Storch reminds me of someone I used to hang with in the old days, can you guess who?


Thursday, March 01, 2007

Are you a Bombay Bad Boy?



Anyway - I know I haven't posted in a while, I'm trying to find a voice..ahem. No but i do want to write about something in particular - not just the usual BS.

Check out these hilarious articles I wrote:

Peter O'Toole is old

Anne Hathaway is American

Tyra Banks can't find a man

They're all silly, but it's funny that they get published around the world!